Sunday, 30 January 2011

Day 7 - a busy day

The last day of the first week was a very busy day.  We go to a family group that lasts all day and is exhausting.

I thought we might all want to take a little Time Out from life for a while, but it turns out that what is best for the children is to keep up the usual routine, for them to see their friends and have the reassurance that life has not stopped.

I couldn't face telling twenty people what had happened so I emailed the group to let them know.  This meant that it was very hard seeing more sympathetic faces, and I was on the edge of tears virtually the whole day.  I did end up offloading everything onto one of the other mums.  Told her everything about us in about a 1/2 hour monologue, and I hope she doesn't mind or think I'm crazy now...

The thing is everyone who knows him thinks he's such a friendly, easy going, affable man.  As do I.  But he's not all (or even most) of the time that man.  But, do I want to tell everyone every detail of everything that's happened over our lives?  Now, no.  Not at all.  So then it becomes difficult when people naturally want to know "what happened?".  Because I'm not happy - yet- to admit to most people I know that my husband manipulated, lied and emotionally abused me for all these years.  That he's almost destroyed everything that I thought I knew.

Emotional Abuse.  It seems like a modern made-up name for something not-that-bad.  That's what I'm guessing people think.  If you've lived at the bitter end of it, you know how insidious and destructive it is. 

Anyway, the children again seemed Ok.  A bit more reflective and quiet.  I am trying hard not to take out my upset on them, but sometimes they frustrate me and I feel like the bitch-mother-from-hell.  I have shouted at them a couple of times over the last week, which is the last thing they need.

<I only hoped that week 2 would be better>

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