So, my new 'Bible': Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Controlling and Angry Men I ordered three copies from Amazon last week. I got them at the beginning of the second week of separation.
My plan was - one copy for my sister who has been out of a very physically violent relationship for over ten years but still struggles with it all. I think it will be really helpful for her.
One copy for me. I've been reading a copy on loan from the library but was unable to highlight anything obviously. So I was looking forward to sitting down with a pen and a bunch of those mini post-it's to go through the book so that I could find info that was useful easily.
The third copy. Well, this was going to be a risk but my plan was to give it to my husband to read. I didn't know what might happen, but I will stick my neck out and be painfully honest here and say that the small ray of hope somewhere deep inside that has so stubbornly refused to die out was still shining strong. Somewhere inside me is the hope that he might read it, see the truth for what it was, seek help with an abuser programme, be one of the tiny minority to see it all the way through, be one of the tinier minority who *actually* change for good and then we might actually have a healthy, happy relationship.
I know in my head that this probably ain't gonna happen. But that ray of hope is a dratted, stubborn thing that seemingly can't be stamped out.
My head was telling me to be careful, he'll go mad when he even sees this book. But I couldn't help but hope, for him - for me - for us - for the family, that it might start off the journey that leads something I've always hoped for.
My husband was having the children on the Saturday and Sunday (day 8 and 9) so my plan was to give him a bag of his stuff and put the book in it at the bottom. Then when he would be back at his place I would text him.
I wrote him a letter, which said that I'd read this book and had been able to see our relationship in a totally new light, that it had cleared up a lot of the confusion about the last fourteen years and that I hope he will read it too. It was a two page letter, and it was hand written so I can't remember exactly what I wrote.
On the Sunday I put the letter in the book, the book in the bottom of the bag and waited for him to drop the kids off at lunchtime.
I gave him the bag and texted him 1/2 an hour later to tell him about my letter. I didn't hear anything for two days.
Finally he called me. He sounded emotional. He tried to talk but said it was too hard and that he'd have to email.
He sent this email:
Abandonded in Arizona - Okay... so I should've known better than to hitch a ride to AZ with him for Thanksgiving. I really didn't even want to go but he sorta pushed it. He said h...
5 years ago