I finally got a call yesterday from the 'women's support worker' or whatever she was called. I had no warning so it threw me a bit.
Started off by asking some random questions, don't know if this was so she could guage the sort of abuse that has happened or what. It was quite upsetting. I suppose in this kind of situation I feel an overwhelming need to convince the person that A was abusive. Ridiculous, but as a result of this urge I have divulged some information recently to numerous people that I wouldn't necessarily have chosen to divulge if I'd had time to stop and think. <sigh>
Anyway, she was also quite vague about the point of her contact. She wasn't verifying information that she had, she wasn't offering counselling, she wasn't giving me information about his programme so I was a bit confused I suppose.
Halfway through I remembered the part of The Book (Bancroft WDHDT) that shows how to evaluate the effectiveness of an abuser programme, and a checklist of warning signs that the programme is ineffective.
There were a few warning signs. She spewed out the old 'confidentiality' thing so that unless something is said in the group that implies I am specifically at risk I won't know anything that is said or done. This was a warning sign in the book.
Also, I asked what percentage of men who go through the programme change. She was extremely vague but actually plucked the figure of 80% out of the air! 80% Unbelievable! The chances that 80% of the men on the programme come out non-abusive are zero, and the failure to admit that was a big sign that the programme is ineffective. Under further questions it turns out that 80% of the partners she talks to say that things 'are better'. Not non-abusive, but better. And this is during the group. So, that makes a bit more sense. I re-iterated that I'm not interested in having a relationship again if he's just not as abusive as he was before, I will only possibly be interested if he is totally non-abusive and I can believe that he is. This is a tall tall order. I can't imagine being totally comfortable living with him again. I just can't.
So, I'm having my doubts about the programme, and just fingers crossed that it's of the Bancroft variety rather than the crap variety.
Abandonded in Arizona - Okay... so I should've known better than to hitch a ride to AZ with him for Thanksgiving. I really didn't even want to go but he sorta pushed it. He said h...
5 years ago